“My physical healing went well tonight, especially for having been out of practice for awhile. Kegel exercises to start. I first used my finger for penetration followed by the smallest size of the dilator. I did the kegel exercises again with the smallest size inserted. Moving to the next size up I slowly slid it in and out of my vagina a few times. With the next size up, size 3, I managed to insert it fully and then left it in for a short while. I made sure there was no pain and even noted when things felt a bit nice.”
“I have noticed that there are certain times in my menstrual cycle that make this physical therapy more comfortable. Right after my period ends tends to be the worst time because my vagina stays very dry. I usually try to avoid those first few days.”
“After I finished tonight I thought I would get out the next size of the dilator in case I would like to make the attempt next time, but it seems so big that it stressed me out! When I heard my inner thoughts, “We will never be able to do that?!” I acknowledged the fear. I assured myself that we will get more comfortable with size 3 first, since that is not easy quite yet. I also reminded myself that while it was a long time ago, I have used this size before and that provides proof that I can indeed do this. Managing the anxiety comes in waves, but I do better when I offer comfort and support to my inner thoughts. It has taken time and practice to be able to do this, but I get consistently better at it.”
“Sometimes I get frustrated with a detail. Why does it so often hurt when the dilator is pulling out, but not when it’s going in? I want to be patient but I can’t wait all night for my vagina to slowly eject it. Not to mention, the more time that passes, the harder it gets. Actually, I don’t know that. Maybe I should test that theory a bit and see what my body’s own instincts will do if I stay calm. That is for next time.”